Welcome to a new feature on this blog, When Dialogue Goes Bad, in which I will pick one film or book that features exceptionally bad or cringe-worthy dialogue to highlight what bad dialogue looks like.
The film I chose to kick things off is a part a series so far that has four instalments, and that would be Underworld. When the first film came out in theatres, I thought it was the bee’s knees. But years later it has turned out to be a case of me re-watching and finally understanding why it’s not quite as good as I thought it was by my teenage standards.
Anyway, I digress. There are so many instances of bad dialogue in all four films so the challenge wasn’t so much finding them as it was narrowing down the ones that were truly terrible 😉 They’re separated by the character who says the line. Enjoy!
Viktor: I wanted to believe your lies, but I knew it could not be true, not my own daughter. How could you!?
Viktor: Bah! YOU HAVE BETRAYED ME! To be with an animal! (delivered in the hammiest, most over-the-top way possible)
Viktor: That he yet breathes shows the depths of my magnanimity.
(In other words, a great opportunity for the screenwriters to use unnecessary big words)
Selene: And soon, I will become the hunted.
Selene: I am a Death Dealer, sworn to destroy those known as the Lycans.
(I’m sorry, all I heard was this:)
Lucian: You’re acting like a pack of rabid dogs.
Lucian: His own daughter. Burnt alive for loving me.
(Again, imagine these lines being delivered in as melodramatic a way as possible)
Lucian: (to the vampire elders) I’LL KILL YOU! ALL OF YOU!
(I’m sorry, this is all I can picture right now)
Lucian: I will not bite… much.
(*rolls eyes* Seriously? This could have been taken from a Mel Brooks movie)
Marcus: My God! Brother, what have you done?
Marcus: Viktor, he must not be harmed.
Marcus: STOP THIS, YOU’RE KILLING HIM!
Marcus: Dead or alive, you will give me what I want!
(Another master of hamming it up, Marcus gives Viktor a serious run for his money when it comes to most over-the-top dialogue)
Andreas Tanis: Gotcha!
(This is an actual line. I’m not joking. A villain actually utters this non-ironically to the protagonist)
Alexander Corvinus: Find the Girl. Bring her to me.
(Again, not joking. This is an actual line)
This concludes the first edition of When Dialogue Goes Bad. Can you think of any other cringe-worthy moments from the Underworld films? Any other films you can think of that have some of the worst dialogue you’ve heard? Sound off below!